Friday, May 13, 2011

Count your blessings

I heard the song "Blessings" (by Laura Story) today on the way home and it moved me. That last verse is this:

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

Wednesday, May 11, 2011


Time for some Wednesday philosophy. I don't know why it seems to hit me on Wednesdays.... maybe because it's mid-week and I need something to keep me going.

So, I was thinking about images. In Romeo and Juliet, he uses a mirror to check for her breath to see if she's living. Seeing no breath of vapor, he assumes she is dead and kills himself. Not that I'm in to Romeo and Juliet, I just think it's interesting that someone once pointed out that Romeo was foolish to rely on a reflected image, since it isn't reality, but just a vision. I like that.

So, is what we see every day in life real because it simply is, or because we believe what it is, or is it all just a reflection of our own experiences and mind set?

I know that how we view ourselves is often very different from how others view us. I've been told that I'm calm to work with (I'll take that as a compliment), I've been told that I'm nothing but a glorified secretary (rather derogatory, considering), I've been told that I always have it together (heh, heh, I have them fooled), and I've been told that I'm too passive (compared to what?).

Hmm. So which do I choose to believe? Which do people expect to be true? Which really IS true? Then there are times that it seems to depend on the day or mood of whoever I'm talking to. Oh, for crying out loud. Don't make it easier or anything, please. I just love confusion (yes! ...that was sarcasm). So I guess the question is how do I view myself? Well, I'm not going to tell you all my secrets, but suffice to say it's generally not the same way that I get feedback for.

I'm a woman who loves her family deeply and religiously. I try to be polite and courteous, but on the other hand I have little tolerance for willful stupidity, prejudice, or condescension. Polite does not equal stupid or unable, gentlemen. I've never thought that I needed to be aggressive to be effective. I don't often feel like I have it all together. I do a lot of paperwork and housework and general Mom-work for my kids.

I take pleasure in reading and crafting stuff and peeking at my childrens' faces when they sleep. I have a secret desire to go away for a week without my kids, if I could stand it that long. I have worries and fears and small triumphs just like anyone else. I've never been very socially adept and I've been accused of OCD and perfectionism (probably where Jakob gets his tendencies; sorry, kiddo!).

I've been called very bad names, and I've been overlooked and forgotten. No, literally. I am apparently quite forgettable. I've had 3 separate occasions at different Dr. offices where they stuck me in a room and forgot me. I had to go find someone to tell them I was still there and they apologized for forgetting me. Just 4 people remembered my birthday. I've been informed (since they think they know better, I guess) of what my opinions are by people who obviously do not know me, and haven't any true respect for me, and feel they have a right to tell me who and what I am.

I am not perfect. I've known that since I was quite young. I am, however, the woman my husband fell in love with (bless him!), and the mother of 4 glorious children. I search for my faith and I believe in a true friendship.

I guess the problem is, I look in the mirror and think I see what's real, but how can I trust that? Like Romeo, I'm putting faith in reflections. Oh, how I would love to turn my back on those images.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Mother's Day

I'd like to wish all the great Moms out there a Happy Mother's Day. This morning my kids told me that since it was "my" day, I didn't have to work. The day then proceeded into reality ;)

After church we headed over to the pet store, since my poor kitty was out of food and hungry. The kids begged me for new fish, so I bought them two new fish to replace the two zombie fish that recently (finally) gave up the ghost. We call them zombie fish because Jakob has had them since he was 4 years old. With minimal and somewhat lackadaisical care, they've survived for the past eight years.

We then headed home, since our newly acquired pets wouldn't do well sitting in the hot vehicle if we were to finish running Mom's errands.... home so Mom could make lunch for herself & Abigail. Then I was asked what I wanted to do today. Well, I'd really, really like for the kids to clean their rooms, and to get started with sorting and ferrying things from the garage back down to the new shelves down cellar. I went out and started working on that. Good work, Mom.

I then got Abigail settled for nap and David took off with the older three while I painted what will be my craft table down cellar. It looks quite pretty, really. I then sorted through about 6 bins of "stuff" and organized it according to craft status, garage sale status, and decoration storage shelf status. I also got a whole bunch of games & toys down there to the shelves.

Then it was time to make dinner, but my wonderful husband got me some take-out from Applebees and the kids were thrilled to get Wendy's kids' meals. Yeah, Daddy! Then my fantastic kids gave me presents! I got a bag of dark chocolate peanut M&M's (oh, so sinfully yummy!) and a new table top sized waterfall (I've been wanting a new one) and a nice, big digital picture frame from David. Cassidy made me the sweetest card and decorated it beautifully.

Now, it's just about time to put a second coat of paint on my table. Cassidy asked why I didn't want to go out 'or something' for Mother's Day. I told her what I really, really wanted was to get stuff sorted and put away for the cellar.

I had a very productive, "you don't have to work today" work day. I got hugs & kisses from my kids and my husband. It was a great day.

(p.s.... the kids' rooms never did get cleaned, although Jakob brought all the laundry down for me.)